dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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