a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
