Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
