U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
