nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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