You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
