The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
