super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
