yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
