I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is the high leading the old right now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
