just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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