"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't deserve a penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
