Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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