maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
