couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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