My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
