i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
