I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
