i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
