I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its not stalking. its research.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
did i walk over a car last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
