Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
