Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
