sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
