You're completely useless in the revolution.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
