I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
