i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
please don't ironically join a cult
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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