Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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