the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
