This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
