you would pick up someone in the library
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
