Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
