uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
