Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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