awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
