i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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