You can't motorboat a personality
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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