I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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