the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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