Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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