finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
