this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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