My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
