I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
