At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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