And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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