Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
