OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
