Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
