he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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