dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
