I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
