I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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