so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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