my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
