And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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